Scene I. Alice and her mum talk about to be pirate. (Mum is taking care of her roses, at the garden)
Mum: Lalaralaraaa... How do I love my roses. They're beautiful, strong, delicate, bright...
A true treasure.
Alice: (comming running) Mum, mum, I want to be pirate!!!
Mum: What? What are you saying?
Alice: I want to be pirate and find a treasure.
Mum: Darling, you're becoming crazy. To be pirate is a very dangerous thing. Don't you
remember your father? He lost his mind looking for chests of gold and silver.
Alice: I don't care!!! I am fan of pirates, and I have always wanted to be one of them.
Mum: Darling, I'm afraid you are not going to be a pirate. I forbide it, and do not insist anymore.
Alice: Please, mum!!!!
Mum: I have said no!!!! And this is my last word. Go to your bedroom. One week locked
at home!!!
Scene II. Alice goes to her room and sneaks away by the window.
Alice: My mother is a silly ass. She doesn't like pirates. And pirates are awsome!!! With their
eye patches, with their swords, pistols, peg legs... I'm going to escape
right now by the window. The harbour is not far. I'll walk there and maybe find
a pirate ship. With a bit of luck, perhaps I can join a crew and sail the seven seas. And
who knows; maybe one day I could become captain.
Scene III. Alice arrives to the harbour.
Alice: Hurrai!!! Finally I’m here. I am going to look for pirates.
Max: Hey girl!!! Are you looking for pirates?
Alice: Yes!!! Do you know anyone?
Max: Possibly. Why are you looking for them?
Alice: I love pirates, and I want to be one of them.
Max: Ok. I trust you. Go to that dock at the end of the harbour and say the password:
“Blackbeard”.
Scene IV: Alice goes to the final dock and finds a ship. At the entrance of it, there is a
very big and fat sailor.
Alice: Hi!!! Can I join the crew?
Robert: It depends. Who sent you here?
Alice: A man who told me to tell you “Blackbeard”
Robert: You can pass. Welcome aboard.
Scene V. Alice is aboard. She is looking for the captain. Alice sees a very old pirate sitting
on a barrel.
Alice: Excuse me, I’m looking for the captain. Where can I find him?
John: Get out of my sight, little rat!!!
Alice: Don’t call me that!!! The only rat here it’s you. Bigger, but rat anyway.
John: Humm… It seems that the little rat bites. I like it. The captain's in his chamber. At the back
of the ship.
Alice: Thank you, big rat.
John: hohohoho.
Scene VI: Alice finds the captain.
Alice: knock knock knock
Captain: Who’s out?
Alice: Hi. Can I go inside?
Captain: Wait a moment!!! I have a little of a trouble here inside!!!
(10 seconds passes)
Captain: Come in!!! Now!!!
(Alice enters. The captain is fighting an octopus, and the octopus is choking him)
Alice: What’s this!!!
Captain: Nothing, nothing. Arrggghh. Only a little problem with this “old friend”. He doesn’t want
to give me the key!!! Arggghh!!!
Alice: What key?
Captain: Arggg. You make too much questions. Help me!!!
(Alice helps the captain. Both together, they get a key from the octopus, and then they
throw it away by the window)
Captain: Here it is!!! The golden key!!! What's your name, little girl?
Alice: I'm Alice.
Captain: I am Captain. Nice to meet you. Now, hurry up!!! Summon the crew. I have some
news. Come on, hurry up!!!
Scene VII. The crew is on deck. Max, Robert, John "Big Rat", Alice and the Captain.
Captain: Look!!! Finally we've got it!!! The golden key!!!
Crew: Hurraiiii!!! We are rich!!!
Captain: Not so fast, weasels. Not so fast. We still have to reach the Death Island. Robert!!!
Robert: Captain, we are already...
Captain: Robert, don't interrumpt me when talking!!!
Robert. But Captain...
Captain: Shut up!!! Compass and map!! Now!!!
Robert: But Captain... (giving the compass and the map to captain)
Captain: Let's see. 50º degrees north; 10 miles south; crossing the jaws of the dragon... Shiver my timbers!!! We are already here!!!
Robert: It is what I'm telling you, Captain. We're already here!!!
Captain: Opss. Sorry man. You know. The stress, many days with no sleeping...
Alice: So... My island is the Death Island!! I live in the Death Island!!! Although here we
call it Rose Island. You know? We have many rosebushes here. And roses grow
beautiful and tall. Do you know a thing? My mum loves roses. She has a garden full of...
Captain: Enough, little girl, enough. You say this is your island? Were you born here?
Alice: Yes.
Captain: Humm... So you'll be a great help here. Will you help us? We're looking for a treasure.
A part of it can be yours If you guide us by the island. What do you say?
Alice: Of course!!! Pirates help one to each other!
Captain: Well said!! Let's go. there is no time to waste. There is a treasure to be found!
Crew: Hurraiiii!!!!
Scene VIII. The group of pirates are looking for the treasure.
Captain: Let's see. Find the lighthouse.
Max: Lighthouse found!
Captain: Go 20 steps north.
Crew: Let's go!!!
Captain: Find the palm tree.
Crew: We are under it!!!
Captain: And finally 30 steps west. Theoretically it's just here. John, picks and shovels!!!
Let's dig a hole!!!
(Alice looks astonished. Following the instructions of the map, she has discovered that
the treasure is hidden in her house, at the backyard. Pirates start digging)
Alice: Captain, one thing.
Captain: What?
Alice: You are digging in my backyard. This is my house.
Captain: Your house?
Alice: Yep. And if you keep digging here, my mum is gonna get very very
angry.
Captain: Ho!!! Do you think your mummy is gonna scare me!! I am the bravest
pirate in the seven seas. Ho ho ho. Little girl, you don't know me.
Alice: And you don't know my mother.
Scene IX. (Alice's mother appears in the backyard with a gun aiming at the captain)
Mum: EVERYBODY QUIET!!! HANDS UP!!! What are you doing in my backyard?
Captain: Lady, don't shoot!!! We give up.
Alice: Hi, mum!!!
Mum: Alice, darling!!! What are you doing with these filthy men? Weren't you punished?
Alice: Mum, I can explain...
Mum: NO EXPLANATIONS, NO EXCUSES!!! Go to your bedroom right now!!!
Alice: but mum...
Mum. GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!!
(Alice bowed her head and goes to her bedroom)
Captain: Gentle lady, we can explain. We are honorable pirates and...
Mum: Ahhh. Pirates. I hate pirates. Do you know a thing? My husband was a pirate!!
He was always going here and fro, with no good business. We divorced 5
years ago. He was like you!!! One day I caught him digging holes in
the backyard. He was saying something about a treasure.
I kicked his ass out of home, and now I am very happy. Argg, men.
I hate you all.
Captain: Lady, I think we can negociate. We think that you have a great treasure
hidden here, in your garden. Perhaps if you let us digging a bit, maybe we
could share a part with you.
Mum: Digging in my garden? And my roses? I love my roses above all.
Captain: I promise we will dig very carefully. Come on. Please.
Mum: Humm... Ok. But I want the half of what you find.
Captain: You will have 1/10.
Mum: 1/8.
Captain: Done!!
Scene X.
John: Captain, I think there is something here!!!
Max: Yeah!! It's big and heavy.
Captain: Let's take it out of the ground.
Crew: 1, 2, 3, UP!!!!
(There is a chest, very heavy)
Captain: Here is the key (All characters gather around the chest, looking at it. Captain
opens it) Shiver my timbers!! An octopus!! Argggg!! I hate octopuses!!! Help!!
(The crew helps captain get rid of the octopus. They hold the octopus, which fights)
Mum: I want my share of the octopus. We said 1/8. So, I want a tentacle.
Captain: You can have it all!!! By Krakens and Leviatans!!! What a waste of time!!
Mum: If you want, you can stay for dinner.
John: I cook!!! I make a delicious octopus. Look, Captain. We have nothing better to do.
And we have to dinner.
Captain: Well: a good dinner is almost as good as a treasure. Ok. We stay. Thanks, lady.
Alice: Mum, can I dinner with you? I'm hungry.
Mum: Ok. Come down. But I warn you, pirates: nothing about pirate's stories, treasures
and so on. I don't want my little girl being a pirate.
Crew: Ok, ok,
Scene XI. All characters having dinner.
Mum: John: I must say your octopus is delicious.
John: Thanks, m'am. A family recipe.
Max: I remember once we ate an octopus almost as good as this. It was in Jamaica.
We were looking for the black diamond.
Alice: The black diamond?
Max: Yes, the black diamond. An enormous diamond with a blackish / trasparent
colour. The legend says that...
Mum: What did I tell you about pirate stories?
Max: Sorry, m'am.
Crew: Hohohohoho (all laughing)
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